redemption.

I had the biggest battle with myself this morning over being human, and the reality of the human condition. For me it all comes down to the fact that we're all incredibly flawed and painfully broken.It just kind of hit me that i am part of this race who's genetic makeup somehow makes it impossible for us to exist without ultimately destroying every good thing around us. Not to be pessimistic, but i mean we walk around all day unintentionally wounding the people around us. I think its because we have small brains and not big enough hearts or something, but we all have these desires to be greedy, to backtalk our closest friends, to basically live focused on ourselves. I mean, we have a drive to do good things as well, like we want to love and be loved, we long to be known and to know people, we want to have friends, good friends that have your back, we want to love and support our families, we want to make things change for the better. But more often than not we fall subject to the demands of our bad desires.

It's funny, and ironic, how so many of us want to be loved unconditionally but fail to show that love to others. It's funny, and sad, how after one fight you can turn around and without thinking bash your best friend, which so often leaves giant emotional scars on that person's life. One bad action can forever change the way a person views themselves, but one good action has limited effect. You never know how big someone's scars are until you hurt them. I hate the cold reality of this world. I hate how divorce leaves tremendous effects upon an innocent child, i hate how one person's mistake effects so many others. I just hate and hate and hate, but all i want is LOVE. I want to be an exception, i want to tell people that i will love them unconditionally, I don't want to be jealous, or angry, or hurt, or willing to hurt others. But i always will be these things, simply becuase i am human.  I need to see a lot less giving up, and a lot more redemption. 

"I don't know what to do anymore. Life seems like a series of infinite nothings. It's not that I'm unhappy. I'm just lost."