people always leave.

I am the kind of person who always remembers their dreams so vividly. I am that person who wakes up and has to text someone immediately telling them about what i dreamt. It happens all the time, it's soo annoying. But it's cool because i think dreams can tell you a lot about your unconscious self. Last night i had such a bad dream, not the scary kind, but the kind that makes you cry in your sleep. I wont go into detail but it basically had to do with four of my closest guy friends and all of them eventually telling me off and completely leaving me for different reasons. The one was really stressful because he left without saying goodbye or giving me a chance to even explain myself, he just peaced... and it was so painful.

I had the chance to hangout with good freinds from my highschool days tonight. I brought up my dream and they told me what they thought, and we all kinda made fun of me and ended up talking about pretty much everything. The topic of how our freinds moved out west was brought up, a familiar topic, one that has changed and effected all our lives. However i shut it down before it had the chance to flourish. They asked me why i always do this, and i tell them that i can't talk about it without being upset. That move took something so important away from me, something that made me so happy, something that i was now where close to being ready to let go of. It took it at the worst timing too, the time that it was crucial to my life. I remember the feeling before and after the move, the one of complete longing for something but knowing that you'd never be able to have it again. I can't really put that feeling into words; there are none that can describe it. It was almost as if half my self was split in two, the other half was taken far from me.
I realize now what my dream was about, my fear of people leaving. Peyton from one tree hill had this little saying, "people always leave." and thats all i've known so far. I know this world is a good place and i know there's plenty of people who do stay. But the experience of this one person leaving, this one very important person being forced out of my life unwillingly, has had a profound effect on the way i now see things. I guess that's why i now hold on as hard as i do. It makes sense.