teach me how to live.

I noticed this week/ had it pointed out to me, just how shallow i really am. I like to think i can see past looks and fake identities that most people put on, into the real person they are... but to be honest, most of my world is based on looks.I don't think i'm very shallow, not when it comes to other people but only when it comes to myself.

I have this tendancy to walk around campus and more often than not, i'll catch an "attractive" guy's eye, and then wait for the nod of approval. It's not necessarily a nod, but for lack of a better term, its that look you recieve, confirming my identity... "yeahh your attractive," is what this look tells me. So i walk around feeling good about myself and i continue this search and look for answers in the eyes of random, but goodlooking, guys around me. As i write this its so obvious how completley stupid it sounds, but it's a habit. My worry is, what will happen one day when i stop recieving these nods. What happens the day i stop getting my self indentity and confidence from complete strangers. Do i just fall apart? I'm so scared life will make me blind or knock out a couple of my teeth, or make my face all mangled from a freak car accident some day just to teach me to stop being so shallow. Life is sometimes a bitch like that. So my current new years resolution is to get over this damn shallow business.

"it is about waking up and realizing that at some point in the past we've gone to the toilet and thrown up our dreams without even realizing that society has stuck its fingers down our throat."