There's a place I know of somewhere in the future, and there's a boy from my past, who understands it best.

"the mind may have forgotten, but the body remembers everything -

in the melody of a song, in a rip of a dress, in a taste stuck at the

tip of your tongue, in the freckled constellation splattered across

your light skin, in a look not mean to be a look, in the movement

of their hips against yours, in a graze between nervous hands, in

the loud beat of your beating heart. in one moment, the body

remembers everything so vividly, so wildly, as if it were experiencing

it the first time & the last time combined - an explosion of sorts that

will never seem to leave with time. these things have become pieces

of us, that have found a way to stay forever, as much as we deny it

ever happened. but the reality is that it was never a figment - in fact,

it was our realest dream somehow brought to life."

People always joke around about how blond i am .I always get ripped on. Like it's this joke, and i know they don't mean it, but yeah most times i believe it. But you know what, I may be simple, and i may be small and relatively powerless. I may have blond hair and i may not always say the smartest comments, I may have ADD, and i may make a lot of mistakes. But i think once i set all those things aside, i like to think i have a lot to offer people.

I may trip and stumble at work, i might screw up your orders but at least i can always raise a few good laughs. I may not be able to sit and study for hours on end, i may not be able to get the best marks on midterms, but give me an essay to write and i'll own it. I may have poor taste, i may wear clothes that don't always fit together, so maybe i like to wear converse shoes with dresses, but at least i value creativity. I may not be able to draw or paint master pieces, but my stick figure drawings make the best birthday cards ok.

I may be shy and act snobby and anti social, but sit me down with anyone and a cup of coffee, and i will listen and try and understand until you run out of things to say. I may not be the best at singing, or playing guitar, and my attempts at piano might be sad, but i believe in the power of music, and i will probably sing very loudly, and still play my guitar and piano because music heals. I may not be the best at writing, but it's my outlet.

I may not be stunningly beautiful, but i'm starting to see that none of that stuff matters anymore. I may not be your average girl at university but i'm learning its okay to be different; it's ok if you don't loveee going out to bars every single night and using the terminology "bitchesssss". I may not have my hair or makeup perfectly done, but i am real. I may not be in on all the happenings and gossip, but quite honestly i don't give a shit.

I may fail a lot, and i mean a lot a lot, But i believe in grace. I may be simple but i believe in love and i believe in joy. I believe you can change things if you really need to. I also think being simple and small and blond and clumsy and all that i am, i think that's ok. I like life is simple; and should be lived as such.

loose everything.

and find yourself. 

be thou my vision.

I didn't have the chance to know this guy, but he attended the church that i sometimes go to. I really don't know anything but i heard he died and someone posted this video on facebook, and wow.

i always tell myself someday i will be that person, that change that i want to see in this world. but i dont know why im waiting for that someday, or when that someday will be. I just know i want this and i want it know.

"I'm looking for something empty, im looking for something real, and I can see you faded now, lost my strength when you lost your thrill. Honestly im better of lonely, promises are just pretend. God damn this faith i'm wearing, god damn this place. We can run, we can hide, we can show off our guns and put on a fight, if its love, hold on tight, hold on tight, and maybe we'll make it out alive, maybe we'll make it."

everyday i see my dream.

I'm starting to love this place and my life here a bit more and more each day.

I always try to find the perfect picture, quote, and words to describe my mood, but all are failing me right now and it's so fustrating. I wish i had words for this, and for you, but i just don't. I wish you could know. Oh, and i wish you could be here. But you will be. And we'll just know what it is when we see it.

"so young and full of running. tell me where is that taking me?

just a great figure eight, a tiny infinity" 

take it ALL.

I sat there and wanted to plead with God for my life. I always used to pull the whole "God do it my way, and i promise, you can have my future." But it didnt take long to realize asking him for my way was not surrendering my future. It was taking a strong grip on it away from his plans. I sat there and said that no matter the outcome of what laid before me, my future was his. If it turned out okay, it was only by his will, and i would make a conscious effort to live my life differently becuase of the grace i'd been granted. If it turned out not okay, then that was his plan, and the only way to live my life would be within his plan, becuase i tried once making it on my own and look where it took me. It was as simple as that. It came down to all or nothing, and i was so sick of chosing luke warm. it has to be all from now on.

I worry my inspiration left when you did. I have not much to write about anymore.

leave.

I wish i had something to show for my life. Like, i wish i was in some far off country living the dream. Instead i could only you show a thousand midterms and essay's i've done okay on. And really that's not much for me and the life i want to live. Two more years.

And then the world is mine.

Here's to sailing in sydney, surfing in tofino, and building orphanages in... somewhere still undecided. I know my life is now but i can't wait till the real part starts. I don't know what exactly it holds yet but i can almost feel it now, and it's going to be legit.

"I’m afraid of time… I mean, I’m afraid of not having enough time. Not enough time to understand people, how they really are, or to be understood myself. I’m afraid of the quick judgments or mistakes everybody makes. You can’t fix them without time. I’m afraid of seeing snapshots, not movies."