hotel rooms.

 Note: half of what i write is real and going on in my life. Half of what i write i make up from ideas and conversations i have with people. This post is not me speaking.

After a while i got tired of living in that hotel room. You always asked me why i called it that, when really it was a tiny room in a five story condo with no evidence of ever having room service. But it was cold like a hotel room. The thermostat worked fine, my room was always a comfortable temperature, but i could not escape the chills that caressed my spine. That room had seen so many people come and go,it was like i had a two night policy, cos no guest ever stayed longer than that. I let these strange men walk through the door and i was okay with that. I never locked the door, never turned on the no vacancy sign, it was always open. They always left in the morning right before check out time, before i could wake up and see the mess they had made my life. The sheets were always colder the next morning, lingering with the memories of someone new, but someone now gone. I had nothing permanent in my room. No posters on the wall, never any food in the fridge, no pictures, nothing showing that someone actually lived there. Because no one did live there. I wasn't living in that apartment, i was dying.

It was then that i decided that i was sick of hotel rooms and finally i wanted a place i could call home. I locked the door, something i should have done months ago, and i started making it home. I re-arranged the furniture so as not to be remided of the previous way things had been. I printed off photos, hell i even hung them on my wall with little quotes underneath that spred hope throughout the room. And yes, it was my room. I unpacked, i bought groceries, i even bought a welcome mat to decorate my lonely door frame. And on the couch i draped blankets and pillows so people could stay the night, not in my bed. Everything i had known untill then was that everyone always left. But i was ready for something more permanent. I began to learn that some people do come back.