storyyyy.

We sit in silence on this roof top, the darkness bearing down on our dimly lit souls. All good night time scenes have stars shining brilliantly down on their main characters, but that is not the case tonight. The cool darkness and city lights chase all glimpses of stars far away from our vision.

i danlge my feet over the edge, watching new york city scury around like ants below me. Stores are starting to close, and men are heading back to their wives and children for dinner. everyone hustles around, oblivious to me and that boy sitting on the roof, miles above them, or so it feels.
"So here we are" I say, breaking the terrible silence. I don't even know why i say this, but it's the only thing i think of.

"Yup." That boy exhales, I can see his breath hanging in the air, white like smoke as the wind drifts it away from us. He turns to me and smiles, or at least i think he does, but it's too dark to tell. "I still can't believe you live here. I can't believe that this, all this is yours..."

As he says this he waves his hand around, referring to the city, as if I own it all. I sort of laugh. I don't say much, so he continues.

"Wow. And I thought that I was the one who was going to go big. Just look at you, living the dream, in New York City even. I remember back in grade school, and you had all these silly little dreams, and now their reality."
"Silly little dreams?" I ask. "You know this should be me," he whispers. I nod. I feel like a mute, but I have nothing to say to him. "You have it all," he tells me, "got it all" .

I laugh at this statement. "You really think so?" He nods, "honestly, what more could anyone want!" Just as he says this i know the answer. I start to get all cold, the type of cold that really has nothing to do with the temperature, but everything to do with "what more anyone could want." And i know he knows the answer to this questions before he asks it.

I search for his gaze in the dark, but i can barely hold as i ask my next question. "Why?" My dreadful question hung in the silence thick with grief and longing. I am crying now as i say this. "Why did you just leave. After all these years... You couldn't have thought to talk to me, call me, leave a note? I come home from work one day to find out you were half way across the world? What kind of bullshit move is that?"

That boy sits there quiet, without a word for so long, that I start wondering if i have gone deaf, and that maybe he is talking on and on to me, but i just can't hear him. I look at his lips and they are not moving, which is a good sign. He just sits there staring out across the city, and I start to feel anxious while i watch him and his nothingness.

" I ... I can't explain it.. I needed change. I was waiting for something to happen but it never did. I had to leave. I was hoping you'd understand." I can't read the expression on his face as he says this, i can't tell if he's sorry or if he regrets it, or if he's wondering why i am finally asking him why he left.

"I had so many dreams for us," I tell him. "I had so many plans... we were going to have the life that couples talk about and kids fantasize about..." He smiles, "You got it though, didn't you. Safe to say we're all pretty jealous of you, i could list off many reasons why."

"But i didn't get you. And that's what i've always wanted." I stand up and try and collect myself. "Did you find it out there?"
"Find what?" he asks.
"Your change."
"No... that's why i cam back to you..."
I don't even know where the next words i say come from, but they just seemed to roll off my tounge from somewhere deep down, as if they have been stored inside of me for quite some time. "Well here is your change you've been waiting for. I am not taking you back."
I feel bad for saying it, but at the same time i know for once i made the right move. I walk down the stairs to the lobby of my apartment, leaving him alone on the roof top. For once it was me who walked away.