no fear,

When you're young everyone's going to look down on you, and think your crazy for being a dreamer. You've got your whole life ahead and for some reason everyone older thinks your going to blow it, and ruin your future. What if we're not actually crazy. So what if we make rash decisions, so what if you can't keep us grounded and in focus. We're full of life, we're not going to stay still for long. So keep running. Run and don't look back. Keep searching and exploring, keep dreaming these impossible dreams, they will come true if you believe. Keep believing, keep on falling in love, never lose the passion that drives you, never lose the fire that inspires you, never lose hope.

I will go far in life. I will make a difference. I will always be a bit crazy. I will make my dreams a reality. I will always simply trust and simply love. I have so much potential, i will do great things. Dont ever try and tell me any different.

yours.

I want desperately for you to be my freind. But you are not my freind; you have slid up warmly to the man i wanted to be, the man i pretended to be. Should i show you who i am, we may crumble. I am not scared of you, my love, I am scared of me.

I want to be known and loved anyway. Can you do this? I trust by your easy breathing that you are human like me, that you are fallen, like me, that you are lonely, like me. What is this great gravity that pulls us so painfully toward eachother?

We were fools to believe we could redeem eachother. Were i some sleeping Adam, to wake and find you resting at my rib, to share these things that God has done, to walk you through the gardne, to counsel your timid steps, your bewilderd eye, your heart so slow to love, so careful to love, so sheepish that i stepped up my aim and became a man. Is this what God intended? That though he made you from my rib, it is you who is making me, humbling me, destroying me, and in so revealing Him.

I am quitting this thing, but not what you think. I am not going away. I will give you this, my love, i will love you, as sure as He has loved me. And i will do this to my death, and to death it may bring me. I will stop expecting your love, demanding your love, trading for your love. I will simply love. I am giving myself to you, and tommorrow i will do so again. I supposed the clock itself will wear thin its time before i am ended at this altar of dying and dying again.

-Donald Miller

Your amazing.

"I'm the person who let's fear drive. I'm the type of guy, who let's it drive. Because I'm addicted, I'm needy, I'm lost without you, I need you.
I n e e d y o u .
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound. that saves a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now i'm found. Was blind but now i see.
I j u s t w a n t t o s e e "
-the almost

freedom.

Today i realized something. I have always taken my future for granted. Today i realized how important this future is to me, and how lucky i am to have so much potential set out before me. I am thankful for the years that lay ahead of me, and all that these years may hold. I am also thankful for:
-the opportunity to start over again; for redemption
-the opportunity to better myself
-the opportunity of many life adventures
-the opportunity to make a difference and help others
-the opportunity to love others deeply
-the opportunity to serve my God
-the opportunity to experience grace and freedom
-the opportunity to start a family later in life
-the opportunity to love and man and my children
-the opportunity of education and future work experiences
-the opportunity to discover the world, to travel, and live
-the opportunity to grow as person, never settling, always changing
-the opportunity to lead a full life; no regrets
-the opportunity to pass down my knowledge to others

The list goes on.
The possibilities are endless.
It's all too beautiful,
and all too surreal.
Thanks
ps. i am also very thankful for alexx hubert :)
for being the craziest best freind in daaa world.

amazing grace

"Be still and know that I am God"
* * *
"Where the Spirit of the Lord is,
there is freedom"

quote

"Its as simple as this, he did something to me that i can not explain with words. He took me to a new place and introduced me to myself."

in your eyes

"love I get so lost, sometimes, days pass and this emptiness fills my heart. when I want to run away I drive off in my car but whichever way I go, I come back to the place you are

all my instincts, they return, and the grand facade, so soon will burn without a noise, without my pride I reach out from the inside..

in your eyes

the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes"
-peter gabriel

feels like home,

I woke up this morning at university, and it was the worst feeling ever. I love this place, I do. But it's not my home. My home lies somewhere in the heart of a boy who just moved acorss the country for the second time ..

I'm the luckiest and he's the reason for this.

Thanks for the best memories.

"are you afraid of leave tonight?

cause i am,

I'm lost without you.. "

blink 182

american love,

"I never should have let you go, I never should have let you slip through my arms. And as the sun sets tonight, i'll hold you with all that i am. I never should have let you go,

Promise me,

you'll stay with me forever.. "

american love by haste the day

* * *

i'll never let you go.

i'll never let you slip through my arms ..

:)

DONE

Friday December 15th, 8.30 pm
This is the offical date i finished 1st semester
HECCCCCCCCCCCK YESSSSSSSSSSS
this relief is AMAZING,
hello christmas break :)

no fear,

Here's to living and never knowing what will happen next,

Even in this great uncertainty,

I'll live ..

"Give me a word, and give me a sign, show me where to look and tell me what will I find. Lay me on the ground, fly me in the sky, show me where to lookand tell me what will I find

Love is in the water, Love is in the air, show me where to go and tell me will love be there . Teach me how to speak, teach me how to share, teach me where to goand tell me will love be there"

imu.

Being back home and hanging out with everyone is the best thing ever. Except for the fact that you're not there. Friday night i kept expecting you to knock on the door, or drive up the driveway, or that i would walk into a room and there you would be, only because it just seemed so natural for you to be there with us, living the adventure. But, it never happened. This hope and longing is all to familiar.. commee hommmmmmeeee

with every breath,

"how long will you be gone?"

"Breathe baby. Forever. I love you"

Those words will forever be the hardest i have ever had to hear. I'm learning to be strong. I'm learning to be okay. I'm learning to breathe again. Becuase i know tommrow i will wake up, and somehow the sun will still rise for you and I . And somehow the days will continue their weekly cycle. And somehow weeks will find their way into months. But I know these sunrises will not pass without a thought of you guys. The days will not pass into months, and months into years without visits, emails, texts, and tears. With every breath, it wont be the same, but we'll never be too far apart. With every breath, I'll learn to be a stronger person, knowing that we once had it all. And we still do. Just in a different way. Live the adventure, embrace it. I'll miss you guys every day.

"Nobody said this life would be easy.

They just promised that it would all be worth it."

It will be worth it. I promise. It will all work out in the end.

Just be content with every breath.

i'll never let you go,

Nothing can explain this feeling,
this feeling of immense loss,
of anger, and unimagineable pain.
I know i have to be strong and supportive,
i know all things happen for a reason,
and i know life never works out
the way you want it to.
But this is just tearing me apart,
i've just lost two of my best freinds.
i can't decide what's worse,
losing someone to death,
or losing someone to distance,
having them still alive on the earth,
but knowing you'll never see them again.

"We laughed until we had to cry, we loved right down to our last goodbye, but over the years we'll smile and recall for just one moment we had it all..."

please dont ask me what i like about you,

becuase it's every little thing you do and,

that's just the way you make me feel.

And i don't think that there are any others out there like you,

and i won't blink,

becuase that means i'd miss a second beside you.

"can you handle living this life for the next three years?"
"no, but i guess i will have to .."

I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me. But it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once...and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember... to relax, and not try to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. Don't worry... you will someday.
- Lester Burnham from American Beauty

i've got my heart set on anywhere but here

remember,

"just remember to breath..

and everything will be okay "

undone

I've been thinking latley about how awfull it is to be human. It's impossible to go throughout life without the realtiy that yes, you will get hurt, and hurt others in the process. Guarenteed you will let people down, guarenteed they will think less of you at times. There will be times you mess up big time. There are too many times when the image of a good person you try so hard to build up will be stripped away, and you'll be left exposed and undone for everyone to criticize.

It's a difficult truth, but maybe one that should be embraced not hidden. Maybe there's beauty in the act of being so terribly honest with those around you. What if we were to stop pretending like we are all good people in control of our lives, becuase in reality life screws us all over. The fact that we are all broken, and imperfect should be shared with everyone and celebrated. I shouldn't be embarssed to admit the fact that i am already failing a class, and that i've hit bankruptcy, and yeah i've bleached my hair too many times it's almost starting to fall out. In no way do i have my life together, i have no idea where i am heading in a career path, but that's where the adventure starts, isn't it ? Life's better when your honest and open about things.

i put my music on shuffle,

and the majority of the songs that played

somehow reminded me of you ..

i thought maybe it was some sort of sign,

like, what were the chances ?

but then i realised that,

that in itself should be a sign,

half of the songs on my playlists

reminde me of you becuase

of all the time we've spent together,

with those songs playing,

like singing in our cars ..

i miss you .

back to you

Back to you,

It always comes around

Back to you

Over you,

I'm never over

There's something about you

It's just the way you move,

The way you move me

back to you - john mayer

we're on our knees,

Depending on where one derives their self worth from affects how long it will last. If one looked to one night stands, than the validation will last for a night, if one were to look to relationships, then one's confidence would last only as long as the relationship did. And i suppose one could look for their self worth in their freinds, but freinds come and go, as would your confidence. So why not look for it within a family environment? Just the same, families members are likley to let eachother down...

So then where would one look to feel loved, to be taught that they are loved and highly valuable, to gain self confidence, to learn who they are ? It would surely have to be from something inhuman, as human nature is to be broken. If you haven't figured where yet, then i hope you will someday soon.

amazing love, now what else shall i need ?

your name brings light; it's more than the air i breathe

my world was changed, when your love you gave for me

my purpose found in all that you want for me

i've found myself in you . .

feel like i could start to understand your grace

Reality has got to be the killer of love.

Honestly, it destroys even the greatest love stories.

It's awful, this reality thing.

It never lets anything work out.

Yet i know that Love and reality can co exist

becuase i see people happily married in love.

Maybe reality has a favoured few...

"... the choice of love and life is wrong; not because coldness and death are right, but because the true opposites of love are reality and truth. ..Reality is the highest human value-higher than love, higher than happiness, and that not to accept honour that high of value is to be less than human" -Samuel Hynes

You tell me to live,

Do i regret this path that i chose for myself ? No,
But i am tempted to when i think about my freinds who have life paths other than university. Those who traveled, took a year off, signed up for outdoor trips and what not. I spend my days studying, while others climb mountains. I ask you, Where is the adventure in that !

" When I'm Lost and It Seems The End
Like There's Only Certain Death
You Tell Me To Live "

uh

midterms are the most stressful things in the world,
they are a thousand times worse than highschool exams,
AND, it is impossible for one to sleep while expereincing such stress

fall term drop out for sure.
i cant wait for this to be over !

photographs and memories

you're such a big part of my life,
i wouldn't even know where to start to let go ,
to let you go would be such an awful process ..

i hang on every word you say,

Hey self, get up.

just get up.

turn on the radio,

sing way to loud,

dance around your room.

leave it all behind,

you'll never live those days again.

the only that's important is what lies ahead,

so open those green eyes,

there is a day waiting for you,

let your light shine,

don't be afraid, don't second guess yourself

don't worry what people will say

just live, just love,

you are loved.

so what else do you need ?

wake up.

bleh

i want to wake up every morning

and see the potential that each new day holds.

it's so bleak here.

city girrrrrrrrrrl.

After dinner tonight i purposley took the long way home,

detouring around a few willow trees.

I really really wanted to swing from the branches,

but apparently university students don't do those types of things,

sadly, i refrained.

I miss living in the country, this city life is not for me,

i can't thrive on this city watseland, this constant traffic,

these long landscapes filled with tall office buildings.

i can't think straight.

i long for country air, country night skys,

country roads ...

the worst part is i just met you;

yet i feel found when you're near ..

Home,

Home is now a tiny residence in the very middle of campus.

Family is now a number of fools on my floor,

who are center of all my adventures,

and here is where my story starts;

hello first year.