bff.

This is what feels like my first summer without my best friend. I'm not stoked on the idea of not being without alexx this summer, not having her to wake up at 6am with and lie on the dock reading donald miller, not having her to tell me to stop wearing makeup and stop worrying about my hair, not having her to help me battle raccoons and mice in the middle of the night with flashlights, not having her to pull me out of the lake when the rock is too slippery and we're skinny dipping. Just kidding, that was alexx who got stuck :)

No one compares. I miss you.

perfect.

I hate how the people in life you love most are the ones that will hurt you most. I am ready for real life to begin where i am above drama, gossip, and petty grudges. I wish i could forgive and forget but it's always easier said than done! I am flawed, but isn't everyone? I'm only 18, i shouldn't have to be "perfect" for anyone. I'm still taking things day by day, learning something new along the way. I have no idea where i'm headed, and i like that.

summer 09

first picture of the summer :)

love.

end.

I am officially moved out of residence and back home. The last week was the hardest but also the best. I still wake up expecting to be back in my tiny overheated room of Mac House waiting for amanda to call me from the room beside me, wander into sarah and sam's room where we'll talk for an hour before finally deciding to get breakfast. etc





Goodbye First Year. You were everything i thought you would be and more. Thankyou for the memories Mac House. I'll forever miss you ..

RIP

It could have been any of us, really. It could have been my residence, my floor.. the reality of the situation hits so hard. But for some reason it had to be him, that floor, his death. There are so many unanswered questions.

I don't think you need to know someone to be affected by their death. He was a student at my university, he was a friend of a friend, he could have been anyone. But just knowing that a life was taken so young, it hurts. Just goes to show you can never to to confident in anything because it can be taken from you so easily. We live our lives thinking that we have the benefit of the future. We have tomorrow to apologize, we have next year to get serious about our school work, we have the next couple years to become the good person we should be, we have our whole lives to make right all the wrongs we have created. But really you don't.

If you died right now, would you be okay with the life you lived? Would it be a life that, if you had children, they would love and look up to you for? Would it be a life that makes your parents proud? Did you create all you wanted for yourself? Did you die the person you always wanted to be? My thoughts and prayers go to his family and friends, i can't even imagine the pain ...

Also, my grandma died last year around this time. I remember the last time we saw her, in the hospital bed ... laughing with us like always, even if she didn't know who we were anymore. Miss you. Lots.

good friday

"My Father holds me in His nailed, scarred hands. Which i put there. Yet for some reason He still loves me with all His heart..."

new beginngins.

"We should no longer seek to see the beginnings of things nor yearn to say goodbye to an end. What we need to seek is to see the vision, create, and understand the whole of who we are. The realization of the totality of who we are is the greatest gift that life gives to us. When we understand that the process we are in is not compartmentalized into beginnings and endings we find our lives becoming harmonized into the wholeness of who we are...


..By focusing on the wholeness of who we are we begin a new direction in our life. We step forth into the light and become a beacon for others to follow. Our life becomes full of wonder for it is the act of becoming whole that allows us to see with new eyes and to understand our pathway in life."

haste the day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jC4N1kv5mps

end of the year

This is all ending to fast. I walk down the hallways of my residence with dread and sadness. I don't want to leave, this ghetto place is my home, my best memories have taken place here. These are the memories that will stick with me for way too long. I can't picture life outside of these bashed up walls, or without the best friends i have made. I don't even like to think of this year ending. This is my home..