with every breath,

"how long will you be gone?"

"Breathe baby. Forever. I love you"

Those words will forever be the hardest i have ever had to hear. I'm learning to be strong. I'm learning to be okay. I'm learning to breathe again. Becuase i know tommrow i will wake up, and somehow the sun will still rise for you and I . And somehow the days will continue their weekly cycle. And somehow weeks will find their way into months. But I know these sunrises will not pass without a thought of you guys. The days will not pass into months, and months into years without visits, emails, texts, and tears. With every breath, it wont be the same, but we'll never be too far apart. With every breath, I'll learn to be a stronger person, knowing that we once had it all. And we still do. Just in a different way. Live the adventure, embrace it. I'll miss you guys every day.

"Nobody said this life would be easy.

They just promised that it would all be worth it."

It will be worth it. I promise. It will all work out in the end.

Just be content with every breath.

i'll never let you go,

Nothing can explain this feeling,
this feeling of immense loss,
of anger, and unimagineable pain.
I know i have to be strong and supportive,
i know all things happen for a reason,
and i know life never works out
the way you want it to.
But this is just tearing me apart,
i've just lost two of my best freinds.
i can't decide what's worse,
losing someone to death,
or losing someone to distance,
having them still alive on the earth,
but knowing you'll never see them again.

"We laughed until we had to cry, we loved right down to our last goodbye, but over the years we'll smile and recall for just one moment we had it all..."

please dont ask me what i like about you,

becuase it's every little thing you do and,

that's just the way you make me feel.

And i don't think that there are any others out there like you,

and i won't blink,

becuase that means i'd miss a second beside you.

"can you handle living this life for the next three years?"
"no, but i guess i will have to .."

I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me. But it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once...and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember... to relax, and not try to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. Don't worry... you will someday.
- Lester Burnham from American Beauty

i've got my heart set on anywhere but here

remember,

"just remember to breath..

and everything will be okay "

undone

I've been thinking latley about how awfull it is to be human. It's impossible to go throughout life without the realtiy that yes, you will get hurt, and hurt others in the process. Guarenteed you will let people down, guarenteed they will think less of you at times. There will be times you mess up big time. There are too many times when the image of a good person you try so hard to build up will be stripped away, and you'll be left exposed and undone for everyone to criticize.

It's a difficult truth, but maybe one that should be embraced not hidden. Maybe there's beauty in the act of being so terribly honest with those around you. What if we were to stop pretending like we are all good people in control of our lives, becuase in reality life screws us all over. The fact that we are all broken, and imperfect should be shared with everyone and celebrated. I shouldn't be embarssed to admit the fact that i am already failing a class, and that i've hit bankruptcy, and yeah i've bleached my hair too many times it's almost starting to fall out. In no way do i have my life together, i have no idea where i am heading in a career path, but that's where the adventure starts, isn't it ? Life's better when your honest and open about things.

i put my music on shuffle,

and the majority of the songs that played

somehow reminded me of you ..

i thought maybe it was some sort of sign,

like, what were the chances ?

but then i realised that,

that in itself should be a sign,

half of the songs on my playlists

reminde me of you becuase

of all the time we've spent together,

with those songs playing,

like singing in our cars ..

i miss you .

back to you

Back to you,

It always comes around

Back to you

Over you,

I'm never over

There's something about you

It's just the way you move,

The way you move me

back to you - john mayer

we're on our knees,

Depending on where one derives their self worth from affects how long it will last. If one looked to one night stands, than the validation will last for a night, if one were to look to relationships, then one's confidence would last only as long as the relationship did. And i suppose one could look for their self worth in their freinds, but freinds come and go, as would your confidence. So why not look for it within a family environment? Just the same, families members are likley to let eachother down...

So then where would one look to feel loved, to be taught that they are loved and highly valuable, to gain self confidence, to learn who they are ? It would surely have to be from something inhuman, as human nature is to be broken. If you haven't figured where yet, then i hope you will someday soon.

amazing love, now what else shall i need ?

your name brings light; it's more than the air i breathe

my world was changed, when your love you gave for me

my purpose found in all that you want for me

i've found myself in you . .